Fables and stories of old still circulate and thrive today because there is an ounce of truth within them that fascinates us. In the dark recess of our minds we crave that truth. We want something to hate or be frightened of so we can more aptly know what it is to love and find safety. It should be the other way around. But, let’s face it. Sometimes we get twisted.

     Monsters and goblins are very real; they just look different to each one of us. Bankruptcy is a very real monster so some. That misshapen creature shrieking through jagged wet teeth chasing the innocent soul through the dark thick woods may look like addiction to others.

                                         The monster that is real to me…the Vampire.

     Although today they have been romanticized and idolized, the vampires of old were scary and considered monsters to be feared, hated and defeated. The movie scenes of the biggest sensations were those with beautiful women who had hearts that beat wildly for the debonair man with the pronounced widow’s peak. But, vampires in general, were not that choosy. They simply wanted to “feed”. They just wanted blood. They didn’t care about beauty or hair color, age or ethnicity. Their nature was to drain their victim of life. I state this fact with disdain, vivid disgust and vile hatred. Many religions and most of science state, life is in the blood. To take the right amount of blood is to take life.

     So yes, the vampire. This is the monster that stares at me with mocking eyes when I visit my friends, waiting in wicked splendor for his name to be mention. When I stumble across a random conversation with a stranger, it seems the vampire is there, lurking in the background, gloating and taunting wanting reverie and awe. Who doesn’t hear the word cancer at least once a day? Anyone who has seen this vampire called Cancer or watched him work knows how quickly he desires to drain the blood, force life out of the body and push terror to the surface of not only the “victim” but those helpless souls who stand in horror and loneliness watching it play out like a scene from a movie script. The horror is…this is real life.

     Things in the hospital were not going well, but we had a good direction and were looking at a relatively “happy” ending. They would open up my daughter, take out the “cyst” and all would heal up quite nicely. Then the doctors took a picture of it. And with the simple words, “It’s not what we thought. It has a blood supply”, everything changed.

     The monster inside her actually drained the life from her. We watched our nineteen year old daughter turn into an eighty year old woman in a matter of ten months. She began her journey in August, 2012, at 160 lbs. She died in May, 2013, at 90 lbs. For Christmas I bought my previously size 11 teenage daughter a size 0 skinny jean from Rue 21. Holding them up into the light, turning them over and over again in my shaking hands, fighting back tears, I focused on all the bling. She would simply ADORE the bling! It was the hardest clothes shopping trip of my life!!

     The vampire tumor inside her was sucking her blood, swallowing it up and ferociously going back for more. And with every bite, he grew bigger. Its appetite was insatiable. The first time she was on her “death bed” they gave her several pints of blood, giving her more life. She rallied; it would take that damned beast two more times on her “death bed” before her sweet precious life would find ultimate glory.

     But, let me tell you how this life scene played out. She wasn’t that frail beauty dressed in the white gown, running through the dark woods, tripping and falling over limbs and debris. Oh no! This beauty was fighting back every step of the way. She laughed harder every time he attacked. She loved fiercer than he hated. And, she became sweeter the more he took. She did not give him reverie or awe. Better yet, she never gave him fear. She feared only the One, the One who gave her life. She never spoke of death, only the promise of light, laughter and love. Though he took her blood, the vampire could not take her life. She had already given her life to her Father long before the threat of it being taken. So, in the midst of his idle threats she laughed!! She would never be his victim. She knew she was something he couldn’t touch!

To know your beginning, to understand your middle chapters and be at peace with your ending is the hope in all our hearts. It is your life story, years written on the pages of your life, crafted in your heart, penned by your soul and scripted by your thoughts, beliefs and words. And it screams to be told, shared and marveled upon.
It’s amazing how heavy your heart becomes when you hear the sad news of another’s difficulty in life. I walked away from such a conversation just yesterday. It weighed so heavy on my heart I couldn’t sleep last night. I awoke at 2:00 a.m. just wishing I could talk to her, hold her hand and reassure her with comforting words. She would probably think me weird since we’re not that close of friends. But such intimate heartfelt hope and prayers seem to stand worthy in that time of morning regardless of relation. She is one of the many that stood beside us when Grace was writing her own story. She and her son offered us great love, solid connection and I’m sure many pure and wondrous prayers during our time of difficulty.
Eric and I have wondered at the complexity of Grace’s life being an uplifting and inspirational story but at the same time, being a difficult journey. But, isn’t that where inspiration and hope lie? Inspiration is found in the light beam of hope as it shines brightly during the darkness of stormy weather. The lighthouse can be a majestic sight during the day and one might wonder at its grandeur. But it is only the haggard and wayward sailors, saved by its direction and light when dark clouds cover the stars and no other light can be seen, who truly know of the magnificence and significance of its light. It is the heart, who in great difficulty finds hope, peace and love to stand strong, not bent by the damaging winds, who offers the great light of inspiration. It is that heart, through difficulty and challenge that can truly inspire and encourage others. Grace’s life and story is inspiring because of the great challenge she not only endured, but overcame. Just yesterday Eric was told it takes great courage to read Grace’s story, but you always leave inspired.
It is on my friend’s behalf that I write this today. This dear heart, who is finding a very difficult chapter added to her life story. It is she who is keeping me up at night. I am wondering how she is handling having her life story altered and changed without her permission, without her consent and against her will. Don’t we all adore the surprises in our life chapters that bring elation? What is better than chapters added to our story that bring happiness we never thought possible? The twists and turns even we didn’t expect but find ourselves marveling upon in the warmth of the sun as we sit in the garden bloom of our pages. Coffee in hand we smile as we recall each glorious internal revelation of elation. But, where is the inspiration in those memories? What strength does it take to live or read the chapters of happiness and perfection? It is in the quiet of our heart as our coffee cools that we hear the whisper, “Who we are, who we truly are, cannot be revealed through only those light airy chapters.
We find we are dangling preposterously within the unfinished paragraph as unexpected pages are added to our story, pages that describe the sun as it fades behind dark clouds and the chill we feel as its warmth of life separates itself from us. In our suspension we are haunted by the grueling question, “What now?” But, within those pages of uncertainty, and doubt, when we are living a life unscripted and unknown, it is our faith that valiantly confronts the vapors of doubt and discouragement. It is strength of courage that arises from the dark words as they are being etched within our soul or on our body. It is within these fog filled chapters that our true character is revealed. And inspiration erupts.
We must remember these chapters of darkness and uncertainty, which are added while we were busy making other plans, remain incomplete. Sometimes we need to remind ourselves, what is written is not the whole story, just a portion of the outline. It is up to us to fill in the missing gaps with faith, peace and hope. Yes, we are responsible for our own story, but we also know when others need our hope filled words of encouragement and strength. What an honor it is to be able to write, in our own hand, upon the heart of another. Sometimes the gaps in our story aren’t for us to fill in alone, but rather a precious opportunity for others to play a vital role in our story. It is amazing to watch the seeds of inspiration and love we plant in another’s heart to germinate, grow and bloom in our own.
At 2:00 in the morning I would hold this lovely mother close and tell her to hold on to hope, laughter and love. With heartfelt support I would whisper into her heart that she is not alone, that she does not face any of this alone. She would hear that the strength she needs to endure what is to come is already inside her, she brims with the wonder of courage yet untold and faith yet unrevealed. She would know she and her family are covered in the support, love, care and prayers of many. She did not ask for this chapter to be added to her life and she certainly would not have chosen it for herself, but never the less, the truest of her wonderful self will be revealed. And we will all marvel at the revelation.